My husband has read every word of my nonfiction, including interviews, but he hasn't read any of my fiction. In all fairness, I can count on one hand the number of novels I've seen him read in all the years I've known him. The books he's chosen in the past are nothing like the books I write. I'll admit it--I'm no Tom Clancy or John Grisham.
My older son Charlie came back from getting his hair cut recently and told me about a conversation he had with his stylist, Sarah. Sarah cuts my hair too, and has read all of my books, bless her heart. She started discussing them with Charlie and was surprised to find out he hadn't read them.
"It's not that I don't want to read them," he said to me. "It's just kind of..."
"Weird that your mother wrote them?" I said.
"Yes," he said. And then he went on to tell me that Sarah said that one line in one of the books reminded her exactly of something I would say--that she could almost hear my voice saying it.
The fact that my family doesn't read my books used to bother me. If one of them wrote a book, I'd be all over that puppy. I really believe that reading someone's writing is a glimpse into their soul, so to speak. And since I'm incredibly nosy, I'd welcome a chance to have that glimpse.
But at some point the whole thing became a non-issue. My husband and three kids are not my target audience, after all. And they are supportive and proud of me, so there's that. If they prefer not to read them, I don't want them to do it just to please me. My books shouldn't be like homework assignments.
I've heard that Stephen King's wife is his first and ideal reader for all of his novels. That seems to be working out for them. In an interview, author Christina Schwarz said her husband reads and critiques every word of her novels. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't like that arrangement, but again, it works for them.
At a book signing I attended years ago, Wisconsin author Jane Hamilton said that her son (who was a teenager at the time) had never read any of her books and said he probably never would. Maybe he has by now, but my guess is that his statement stemmed from the fact that a book written by his mom could be an emotional landmine. It's hard to disassociate your mother from the words she's written, even when it is fiction. The potential embarrassment factor is huge. Better not to look.
So I've made peace with the situation. There are plenty of readers in the world. Just recently, one of Maria's friends left this Post-It note for me:
She's read all my books and would like more! Every time I read this note, I smile. A really big smile.
So here's a question for all of you writers out there--does your family read your writing? And how's that working out for you?
I'm nosy and I'd love to know.
56 comments:
(Here via Andrew Xia Fukuda's tweet, fyi. :))
No one in my family reads my work (yet), but I think I like it that way. I consider myself "seasoned," with a thick skin, but somehow that all fades away when it comes to criticism from my parents or boyfriend. So for the moment I think it's best that they not get to read any of my work until it's already out there.
Instead I rely on some very talented, tactful writing friends. :)
When I'm published, though, I would hope that all my friends and family would at least BUY my books to support me, even if they don't read them! ;)
Hi Kristan, welcome! Thanks for mentioning how you got here. I love to know that kind of thing.
Also, and this is off topic, but as long as you're here--a big thank you for sending an interview my way. It was kind of you to suggest my name.
And I hear you about the very talented, tactful writing friends. Every writer needs them.
My love would read my stuff if I asked him to, I'm sure. But he's sooo not my target audience and his feedback isn't very helpful, although he tries, bless him.
I guess I prefer to keep him apart from my writing for both of our comfort.
My kids are still awfully young to read what I write, but I won't force the issue when they're older. Either they'll want to or they won't. It doesn't bother me to think that they might not be into my books.
I write for myself first with the hopes that someone out there want to share in my world. It just isn't the same if I have to take hostages to get someone to read my books.
wrenemerson, I can relate to much of what you said. This was my favorite line in your comment=> It just isn't the same if I have to take hostages to get someone to read my books.
Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts.
My husband reads my work and sometimes my eldest son. My younger one is not quite old enough yet. As for the extended family? Nope. Oh well. I'm not bitter...or am I? :)
On another note--Congratulations! I gave you an award on my blog. Please stop by to claim it. http://karenwojcikberner.blogspot.com
The only family members who have read my book are my two nieces, and only because I asked them, along with colleagues and friends, to review it before I published it. My family is not interested in what I write about, and that's OK w/me. I am the family black sheep, and they love me anyway. I rely on my writers groups for feedback for subsequent writings.
Wife reads it. Kids too. Not that that gets me so much.
Being a good reader is not the same as being a good giver of feedback. I get lots of shrugs and 'okays.' It takes another writer to diagnose a problem. Everyone else just gives 'gut.'
Hey Karen, thanks for the award! I am honored.
youwerebornthatway--it's been my experience that the black sheep are always the most interesting ones in the bunch. :) Also, thank God for writers' groups!
PV Lundqvist,I wouldn't be thrilled with shrugs and "okays" either. I need constructive feedback or over-the-top praise. Anything in between isn't helpful.
I have written a YA book about a child who runs away from home, loses her memory and is forced into child prostitution as she tries to remember who she is. It's called 'Call me Aphrodite.'
My son aged 17 refuses to read it because it's not about war, but also he refuses to ask any of his friends, of which he has many, to read it. I think he's afraid of what they might think of him... My next book is a fairly normal YA ghost book and he says he might read that...
My wife has read my book but as she loves me I think I'd have to do unspeakable things to her for her to criticise it in any way. Strange, because on the rare occasion she asks for my opinion on a dress, hairstyle or whatever she knows I will be honest. Then I'll get a slap. But I couldn't possibly lie could I? Families... :)
My family reads anything I write, as long as it's in the form of a check made out to them.
Actually, yeah, guess everyone in the clan has eyeballed my books. Which results in me writing said checks.
My family doesn't even know I write, as I have chosen to keep it quiet for now, and I write under a pen name anyway. However, I plan on asking my younger sister to be my first reader, as she is sort of the person I have in mind as my ideal reader.
Ditto Meaghan's comment -- I keep it to local publications under a pen name. Some of my fiction has been thinly disguised past painful events, and I'd rather the principals (who actually may only recognize a vague similarity anyway) not read about themselves. And David E, you made me laugh out loud! May you continue writing, both fiction and checks! ツ
My fiance is first eyes on all my work, whether it's "his thing" or not. He said he wants to know what's going on in that brain of mine, that I can tune him out so completely when I write ;)
My mom always politely mentions she'd like to read my work... but hasn't yet ;)
I want my teenage brothers to read my YA series, both because I want them to read (period) and because it's aimed at their age.
I also have a few good friends and fellow authors who graciously look over my work and give criticisms!
Guess I'm pretty lucky, there :)
YA: Cheat, Liar
Adult: Shackled
Christopher Wills, I'm with you. Families...Sheesh.
David Ebright--funny line about the checks. That would be one way to get the fam on board.
Meaghan, you're a secret writer?! Oh, how cool. What a great story that will make when you hit it big.
Bill B.--aha! I knew you were a writer. What's with you people and all the secrecy?!
J.E. Medrick, you wrote three books without your mom or brother's input, so I'd say you're doing fine the way you are. :-)
Hey Karen - My wife reads it all - usually in manuscript form - she takes it with her on the subway printed out. Love it.
My mom reads it and loves it, my father reads it and doesn't much like any of it.
My cat sits behind me in the mornings when I write.
Even your cat, Christopher??!! Okay, you win. <3
Haha, thanks Karen. I'm trying :)
No fair Christopher - I didn't know pets counted. My cat AND my dog watch me type ;)
YA: Cheat, Liar
Adult: Shackled
My wife has never read any of my books, but then, she never reads fiction. I still find it odd that she's not even a little curious to see what I'm writing about. Like you, I too am nosy. If my wife ever wrote a book I'd be all over it.
J.E. Medrick, I didn't know pets counted either. Things are getting competitive around here.
Donald Wells--sounds like we have a similar situation. It's puzzling to me that other people aren't more curious. I even find out things about friends from reading their blogs. In some ways fiction is even more revealing.
Ah well, it is what it is.
My youngest has read every line of it, I credited her as my asst. editor because she read it to me during a difficult time of radiation. My other girls have read some, but not all, as far as I know. My husband has read three chapters, but given the fact that he's not a novel reader & that I wrote it especially with YA girls in mind, that doesn't bother me. Lol! The funny thing is that it really helped me to take a mental vacation during that time. My youngest works in a nursing home & she said that some of her patients are reading it & loving it. So that gave me a new perspective & then I joined Operation Ebook Drop & hope that it gives them a mental vacation as well. You just never know who will end up reading your book. : )
When I used to write news articles my brother, father and sometimes my sister read them without me even letting them know they were up (online). I didn't even ask my wife, I would just read them to her and would expect a "You're Awesome!"
But as I started to write longer and longer books, e-books, etc., my family disappeared. I don't even worry about my wife finding out about what I write because I know she will never read it.
When I wrote my first fiction piece, "A Vampire on the Mat," my father said he had to stop reading it because he couldn't picture me writing like that. He said it bothered him.
I appreciated that though, it let me know I had something.
Karen,
My wife usually reads the first draft and points out holes in the story and bad grammar. After that I have a friend who loves to read and takes drafts 2 through whatever. My wife takes too long. Another problem is she reads in bed and then doses off. I'm sure it isn't the content she is reading. Ha!
Sean McCartney
The Treasure Hunters Club
PS Thanks for the papers they fit perfectly.
Oh Sheri, hearing that the nursing home patients love your book warmed my heart! I can only imagine how great it made you felt.
eBook Magic, I'd take your father's reaction as a compliment. If it affected him to that degree, it means your words had power.
Sean, too funny about your wife dozing off! I would attribute it to it being a tiring day, rather than your story.
Thanks for letting me know the papers fit perfectly. Good to know!
I'm not a writer, except for my blog, but it cheers me up to know there are real writers whose families don't read their work. Back in December I sent a link to a poem I had written to my son and he said he didn't finish it because it was 3 AM in Paris and he fell asleep. I think I prefer "just doesn't read my blog" to "fell asleep reading it", so I haven't sent him any more links.
I agree with Karen about eBook Magic's dad's reaction, too. It shows he really was reading and thinking about the piece, not just glancing over it.
He said he fell asleep reading it?! I'm not sure if he should be flogged or commended for being honest. Ha!
I do tend to think that mothers who write don't always get respect from their kids. Face it, if we're doing it, it can't be cool.
Hi Karen,
Good question. My wife reads everything, blog and fiction. She is my sounding board for the book I'm writing. I enjoy having her throw questions at me, because it usually means I overlooked something.
My parents read the blog religiously. Dad prints it out so Mom can read it without having to go downstairs to the computer (bad knee), then she puts them all in a folder like it's something I made in crafts class in third grade.
Siblings and other relatives? Not so much. I've found that old friends from high school and college with whom I've reconnected through Facebook have been the most rabid readers and commenters. Plus a few of our close friends.
Mark
I'm about to put my first book up on Kindle in a week. I say a week because I'm hoping to figure out how to get it up on Kindle and I'm giving myself a week to try it. Nobody in my family has read it, and only 2 of them know I'm writing. I asked my older son if he'd like to read it and he said, "I'm not your target audience mom, so no." *lol* He is also writing. He has worked himself up to 5,000 words a day and then asks me to edit it each day. Our household is crazy right now!
Haha, nice post. My mother will read most anything I give her. She hasn't told me I'm weird or disturbed yet, so that's a positive thing.
She hasn't read my latest collection of novellas though. She might change her tune if and when she does -- it's pretty "out there" horror fiction.
A coworker of mine loved my ghost story One More Day and picked up a copy of the aforementioned collection, Three Before Dark. It will be interesting to hear what he has to say.
My dad's side of the family has expressed a great deal of interest in my bizarre writings as well. I hope they will all still look at me the same way when they are done. LOL.
Thanks for posting about the reality of the writing life. It can be cruel, but most of the time you just have to laugh, you know?
Best,
Nick
Three Before Dark: A Collection of Horrifying Novellas
One More Day: A Ghost Story
Pale Rambler, I think you should hang onto that wife of yours. She sounds like a good one! I can't imagine your siblings and relatives NOT reading your blog. They don't know what they're missing.
Gabriella--your son is writing 5000 words a day? Yowza! What's in the water at your house?
And how exciting to be putting your book up on Kindle. I wish you every success.
Nicholas, thanks for sharing your experiences with family (and your coworker). You're right--the reality of being a writer is that not everyone will love what you do, and sometimes, as you pointed out, you just have to laugh.
My granddaughter, Sierra, is the reader in our family. She LOVES your books - she just finished "Favorite" and is now reading "The Women of Block 12." It's giving her an education in how not to live her life. Sierra and her mom come to my speaking engagements. I'm so lucky.
Hi Linda, I agree--you are lucky. :-) That Sierra has the best taste in literature. I can't wait to hear what she thinks of
The Women of Block 12.
The only person I know for sure in my family who read the articles I wrote for the local newspaper was my mother and she sometimes mentioned people in her volunteer circle who read my pieces. My brothers and father never said a word - good, bad or indifferent. Same results when I worked in corporate communications as a staff writer and my family got the magazines for which I wrote. As for fiction, nobody sees nuthin' until it's done to my satisfaction and I need feedback - just in case I don't finish what I started. I don't want to be nagged :) OTOH, when s short story was published in a confession magazine years ago (are those things still around?), my aunt called the newspaper and I got mentioned in a local happenings column. Did she read the story? Not sure! :)
Hi Col--I remember confession magazines! They were around as of a few years ago. I'm not sure if they still are.
What a shame your family didn't acknowledge your talent the way they should. It's so hard for me to understand. When my kids write something I beg them to show me. Sometimes they'd rather not, which I respect, although it makes me crazy with curiousity.
I would love to get my daughter (15 y old) to read. period, anything...lol anyway, I came here after reading Easily Amused and A Scattered Life, as I m a bit...errmm...slow LOL and couldnt find an email address for you.
Just wanted to say how amazed I was with your writing...I got a Kindle because we went on holiday and the luggage allowance was low,got a few cheap & free books (I generally get books out of my local library). Read a couple, wasn't all that keen, left one after reading three pages because it did not catch my attention....then I started reading Easily Amused.... your writing is so great, I was having feelings for the cahracters even in the first few pages....so much I loved it that then I bought A Scattered Life and Lies I told my Children, which will start reading now but wanted to come say thank you....
I will for sure be recommending you to my friends, and look forward to reading more and more from you...it has been a long time since I connected so much with a fiction writer :)
Huggzzz
MrsPeel (any relation to Emma?), huggzz right back at you. Your comment was SO nice and really touching! I've read it five times now. Thank you for going to the time and trouble to leave such a nice message. I really appreciate it.
By the way, my email address is kmcquestion @wi.rr.com. It is on my website, but must not be obvious enought. I'm going to be revamping my site in the near future and will fix that problem.
My wife has not read any of my short stories yet and yes it is the type of stories she would read. I have some 2close friends who read my stuff, One f them not much into blood and gore so I usually don't send some of the stuff her way.
My aunt who is a published author also gets to read my stuff and helps with editing and so far I have not freaked her out to much
Like you, my children have declined to read my writing. Funny, they both are proud of the fact that a few of their friends have read my work and thought it well done. But them... I figure when I'm gone they'll be looking through it all, trying to figure out what Dad was really like inside.
Kipp Poe, I'm pretty squeamish about reading/seeing blood and gore, so if your readers are begging off for that reason, I would understand.
Interesting though, that your wife hasn't read your stories yet. I can relate.
Hi Paul, I was thinking the same thing about my kids reading my stuff after I'm gone! Sadly, we won't be around to know about it. Still, it's good to know some small part of us will live on. :)
My wife never wants to read anything in progress, because she prefers to see it when it's all done.
That said, she's a journalist, and she copyedits all my stuff, which makes her a very, very, very good person, in my book. (Sorry for the pun, there.)
Also, not to push my own stuff too hard, but your son who likes Stephen King and World War Z might really like my novel, Mercy. It's a zombie story, and one review compared it to The Stand (which blew my mind, as it's my favorite King novel).
I have no idea how all these charming and wonderful people are linking their books, so I'll just point you at my blog - the links to the books are in the sidebar:
http://groverdavid.blogspot.com/
As for the rest of my family, I'm pretty sure my parents bought the book, my in-laws did for sure, and I know my mother-in-law has read it, but I'm afraid to ask her what she thought.
Joshua Grover-David Patterson,
Your book, MERCY, sounds just like Jack's kind of thing! Let me know when it's in paperback and I promise to buy it.
If you go here you'll see how to put a link in blog posts:
http://bloggeruniversity.blogspot.com/2007/01/post-link-in-comments.html
Thanks for leaving a comment!
No one reads my work except my sister who reads to proofread it before I send it off. I think families are subjective and their criticism/praise may not always be what we need to hear or how we need to hear it, because feelings are involved.
Lena Sledge, I agree with your observation about families. I've heard of family members reading a book and assuming characters were based on a real person in the family or being overly critical. And as you pointed out, even when it's praise, it might not be what we want or need to hear.
I was intrigued to read this, because lately I've been thinking about the fact that my teenage son and his friends will have access to my novel when its published and that has affected my editing. When I read it through 'their' eyes, I look at it differently.
My husband has read and edited my novel, and that's fine, but my son has only read one short story, which I gave him because it was funny. He still makes fun of it, but I think in a good way. Anyway, I've always been nervous about people reading my work, but now that my son is older and has a personality, I find myself intimidated at the thought of him reading my work.
I hear you, Susan.
Barbara Kingsolver said, "Close the door. Write with no one looking over your shoulder. Don't try to figure out what other people want to hear from you; figure out what you have to say. It's the one and only thing you have to offer."
Very wise, but easier said than done sometimes.
I won't LET my family read my books.
My mom and dad, well, what I write isn't their cup of tea anyway. But also they are VERY religious and the stuff I write? I shudder. Likewise my grandparents and most of my aunts and uncles (though not all).
I wouldn't mind if my brothers and SILs read my work, but it's not their thing.
Most of my cousins, on the other hand, love the type of stuff I write and I don't mind them reading it. In fact, one of my cousins is my number one beta reader and brainstorming partner. She's awesome and without her, my books would probably never be written.
Well, thank God for good cousins!
I'm with you completely, Shea. If I knew someone was going to judge me, I wouldn't want them to read my work either.
My mother and my wife are both incredibly supportive of my writing but while my mom insisted on buying five copies of my first book I don't know if she actually read it. I gave a copy to my father who read some of it and then politely asked if I would take it out of his house. As far as I know, none of the rest of my family regularly reads my books.
Like you, it used to bother me, but I got over it. There are people who can't wait for my next book. I'm just not related to them.
Jack Cameron--"There are people who can't wait for my next book. I'm just not related to them." That says it all! Thanks for stopping by and commenting.
I found your blog today via Twitter. It wasn't this post, but I found this one equally interesting.
I am a writer of contemporary humorous romances featuring older characters.
My sister reads all my work,but then she reads in my genre anyway. From her I can always count on hearing what would have made it better .
My fiancee is trying to read them, but I think he's afraid of what might be in there or that he might recognize something familiar--or worse that he won't! This does not offend me. He tells everyone about my work even though he has no idea what it is he is recommending. When he actually finds out,his surprise will be a grand moment in my life and possibly inspire another book.
My friends read my books for new material to harass me about when we get together. I would do the same if they were writers, so I completely understand this strategy. They send me lists of words they use to search the PDFs for the--well--more interesting parts. Needless to say this exercise has forced me to expand my vocabulary.
My mother will never read my work. I'm sure the shock would be too much. My children read bits and pieces, but they are both under 30 and maybe just not ready for the storyline. I think your reflections about your son's reactions apply here as well.
I find I prefer the responses of strangers who I meet for the first time when they write to tell me they read my books. They owe me nothing and are mostly bias free for the first read of the first book. I treasure those first comments because I know they are sincere. It is those readers that keep me writing.
Blogger went down for a day, and some comments were lost. The following comment came into my email box but didn't post, so I'm cutting and pasting it here:
Donna McDonald has left a new comment on your post "Does your family read your writing?":
I found your blog today via Twitter. It wasn't this post, but I found this one equally interesting.
I am a writer of contemporary humorous romances featuring older characters.
My sister reads all my work,but then she reads in my genre anyway. From her I can always count on hearing what would have made it better .
My fiancee is trying to read them, but I think he's afraid of what might be in there or that he might recognize something familiar--or worse that he won't! This does not offend me. He tells everyone about my work even though he has no idea what it is he is recommending. When he actually finds out,his surprise will be a grand moment in my life and possibly inspire another book.
My friends read my books for new material to harass me about when we get together. I would do the same if they were writers, so I completely understand this strategy. They send me lists of words they use to search the PDFs for the--well--more interesting parts. Needless to say this exercise has forced me to expand my vocabulary.
My mother will never read my work. I'm sure the shock would be too much. My children read bits and pieces, but they are both under 30 and maybe just not ready for the storyline. I think your reflections about your son's reactions apply here as well.
I find I prefer the responses of strangers who I meet for the first time when they write to tell me they read my books. They owe me nothing and are mostly bias free for the first read of the first book. I treasure those first comments because I know they are sincere. It is those readers that keep me writing.
Donna, I loved your honesty and humor! Thanks for sharing your experiences.
Are you the Donna McDonald who wrote the "Never Too Late" series? Great titles and covers!
Hey Kristan! Coming over from the Petit Fours and Hot Tamales interview.
I was going to say that my family does not read my books. Then I stopped and thought about it. My teenage son did read my short story. Not gonna let him read my novella coming out soon. Hubby read the short story, too. He hasn't shown an interest in reading the novella, but he might end doing it. Not certain.
My MIL and Mom have both read it. My SIL, too. Not sure about my own sisters. They have never said.
After all that, I have to say that the hardest one to choke down is that one of my good non-writer friends has not read it. She's a reader, but every time I've asked her about reading mine, she hasn't had time. I'm not sure why that one bugs me the most. Still contemplating it.
So, to answer your question, some do. Some don't. But it's okay. You are right about them not being the target audience.
Have a great weekend.
Tami
Thanks for weighing in, Tami! It sounds like a lot of us are having the same experience.
I'm so glad to have found this post. I've been feeling rather devastated that my family doesn't read my writing. I've just come out with my third book and they haven't said a word. Time to stop taking it personal. I'm glad I'm not alone in this!
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